I just don’t know what to do, so I’m going to try to work it out here

I just don’t know what to do, so I’m going to try to work it out here

Ok, as you all know I became a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant about a month and a half ago; it has been no bed of roses for me I can tell you.  Don’t get me wrong, Mary Kay is a great company and has great products that I just love, truly.  But you see I’m a pretty good actress, so my recruiter sees only what I want her to see and that is that everything is hunky dory or at least as much as I can make it seem; my husband, however, sees behind the mask, backstage and knows that this has been an emotional roller coaster for me and that is never a good thing when you’re already on one due to mental illness.  My husband has seen all the tears, my recruiter has not.  So, I’m trying to decide if I want to continue with this Mary Kay thing or just call it quits and be done with it.  The problem is I’m conflicted and I need to make a decision soon.  So, the question I’ve been asking myself is if I would regret walking away so soon after starting it or would I feel relieved?  And that is where the conflict comes in because as far as I can tell the answer is both.

My husband is thinking I should quit because all he wants is a happy wife to come home to and I have not been that at all.  He also thinks that this whole Mary Kay thing is just not for me with the personality that I have, he knows that I could do it, but he doesn’t think it’s been the fun hobby it was supposed to be.  You see, my nature is very introverted, as you all know, and I would much prefer to be home with my animals reading, writing, doing housework even – anything but out in public plastering a smile on my face saying hi to people I don’t know.  I’m just not a people-person; I’m an animal-person!  I’d rather talk to a dog than a person; let’s just leave it at that.  Not that there’s anything wrong with people, I just have always tended to avoid them.  So, why on God’s green Earth did I decide that being a Mary Kay Consultant was a good choice for me?  I thought that I needed to stretch out of my comfort zone and have more confidence with people and I thought Mary Kay was the vehicle for that change.  I still do too, it’s just I underestimated how uncomfortable that change would be.

I also know that I have not been working it the way I should be.  We have these things called facial boxes that we put around in local businesses that offer complimentary facials with, usually, a gift certificate with initial purchase type thing, all you do is fill out a short form and put your name in the box.  I know of consultants with over 20 boxes out and are getting all kinds of leads and bookings as a result of being out there really working hard.  And congratulations to their success, they’ve earned it!  Now, I have two out and they are doing nothing for me.   I have a wonderful friend who offered to drive me around the parts of town that I don’t know much about to get more boxes out there.  As I have been told, it’s all in the numbers.  The more people I reach, the more yeses I get, that kind of thing.  And I totally get that, I do.  So, why haven’t I put out all kinds of boxes all over town?  That’s a good question that I don’t have much of an answer to, other than I just don’t care much.  Shouldn’t that be a good indication that I’m just not that into this whole thing? Would I feel differently about things if I had a bunch of boxes out and had leads galore and making a booking a day and selling several hundred dollars a week?  I would think that I probably would, unless that would just be more than I can handle and lead to more stress and tears. Let me put it this way, with my other business, I work on average twice a week for two different women and I work 2 hours in the morning with one then have a hour break then two hours in the afternoon with the other one, and there are days when that is more stress than I can handle and I have trouble with the tears.  So, would more success really make me happier?  I just don’t know, but somehow I doubt it.

As you can probably tell by this post, I am all over the place about what to do.  One moment, I’m telling myself to walk away and the next moment I am telling myself to try harder and give it a chance.  And I could poll all my friends and family and get different answers from them all, and in the end, still have to make the decision myself, because no one can do it for me.  I plan on spending time in prayer and really think about this, because I don’t want to do anything rash.  I tried very hard to think this through when I signed up to be a Mary Kay Consultant and I need to put a lot of thought into what I want to do now.  I had hoped hashing it out in this post would help, but unfortunately, it hasn’t.  I’m still conflicted.  Maybe, I just need to let it go for a couple of hours and just cuddle up with my dog and read a good book and let my subconscious work on this for a while.  Ultimately, it’s in God’s hands and He already has an answer for me, I just have to be quiet enough to hear it.  Thanks for reading and if you have any advice I would love to hear it!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

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Making sure your priorities are in order

Making sure your priorities are in order

I will be the first to admit when things have been out of whack for me; and I assure you that they have been recently.  I tend to be obsessive, maybe it’s just me or my bipolar tendencies, but it can be bad.  Ever since I started this Mary Kay thing, I have been obsessed with it and it has wreaked havoc with me emotionally.  I was attracted to the idea of Mary Kay because of the company’s philosophies.  Mainly, God first, family second and career third.  You’d think that since that was the compelling reason I wanted to be a consultant that I would have that under control.  But, nope!  Now, I don’t know about you but when things are out of whack with me it doesn’t take long before it takes an emotional toll on me enough for me to realize things are just not okay.  This past Monday was my wake-up call; I had planned to do all these things for my businesses and woke up instead and spent the morning crying, so depressed.  I was just out of control and I remember praying to God for help, for help in thinking what He wanted me to.  Soon, I realized that my priorities were not in order and that I had taken the whole Mary Kay thing way too serious and it was affecting the other roles of my life.

You see, I take my role as homemaker very seriously.  I had convinced myself that I would be this fancy career woman and have a housekeeper.  First, I have never been that into being a career woman, I mean if it happens fine, but I’m not going to spend the time and effort to make it happen.  Second, taking care of the house is my job, period.  Yes, I know I sound old-fashioned but that is because I am.  My husband helps around the house, but the core of the upkeep still falls on my shoulders.  That whole God first, family second, career third had been thrown out the window.  That is why I was so out of whack, I wasn’t thinking and living according to my priorities.  When God is first in your life, everything else just falls into place.  I was sitting in church unable to concentrate on the proceedings because I was thinking about Mary Kay and how to grow the business, etc.  Not proud, but it’s true.

I guess the point is that you have to live life according to your priorities or you are in for a world of hurt.  How you believe should dictate your every action, your every thought.  I had gotten so out of sync with my priorities that I had a little mini-breakdown, so I don’t recommend that route at all.  Live according to what is important to you and things will be a lot better.  Ever since I re-evaluated my priorities and got things straightened out, I have been much happier.  My recruiter even said I looked radiant.  I am at peace and very grateful for how my life is going right now.  A grateful heart is a very good thing to have because it affects your attitude.  My attitude has definitely improved!  I still am doing both businesses, but I consider them the distant third priority that they are supposed to be.  Being a homemaker makes me happy, gives me contentment.  I suggest that you spend a few minutes and really think about your priorities and then arrange your life to go along with those priorities.  That’s my suggestion, and I learned that the hard way!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

Taking inventory

Taking inventory

First, the housekeeping part of this post; I have decided to stream-line the blog a bit.  Mondays will still be posts about life and God; I’ll just be incorporating the Monday and Friday post into one single post.  Wednesdays will be a recipe day and Friday will be a DIY or homemaking project of some sort, whatever I think is a really cool idea.  And that’s the gist of it, same basics covered, just stream-lined like I said.

Ok, enough with the housekeeping; on to the point of this post.  Last night, I had a quiet night alone because my husband was “camping” in our trailer in the front yard; so the night was mine.  I was in the blessed silence, talking to God when I started to really think about how far I have come over the last five years or so.  Before I returned to God, I was a disaster.  I had an addiction and I was abusing prescription drugs in order to dull the pain I was in.  I remember taking my shower daily, crying to God begging Him to obliterate me.  No heaven or hell, just wipe me from existence.  And as that old ad once went, I’ve come a long way, baby!  Here I am now, running two businesses and at least not pulling my hair out.  I may not be racking in the dough, but I am keeping busy, and with hard work, enthusiasm and determination, I will succeed.  I have my assistant business that has become something I never intended it to be, but any good business owner will tell you, it’s all about adapting.  Then, of course, is the Mary Kay consulting business; which is so outside of my comfort zone it’s crazy.  Not so long ago, I would have told you it was ludicrous to think I would have such a business, and I have only just begun, but it is actually fun.  My husband, God bless him, doesn’t care about the money that I bring in, he wants me to have fun doing what I am doing; which is a really supportive thing for me.  He asked me the other day how one of my skin care classes went and I told him how much I sold and he said he didn’t care about that, did I enjoy it, that’s what he wanted to know.  A good husband is worth his weight in gold!

Anyway, my point is that I have changed drastically in the five or so years since I returned to God and let Him be my CEO and priority.  Do I still struggle with the bipolar?  Of course, it will be with me the rest of my life and it has an effect on how I see the world.  You see, it is very important for me to start to see the world with enthusiasm and positivity, which does not come easy for me.  I have always tended toward the negative, which I think is just basic human nature.  It takes training to think positively and to be enthusiastic about life.  It’s all about perspective.  My former minister and I had several conversations about this very thing, and he told me to carry a quarter in my pocket at all times to remind myself of one very simple idea.  That with every circumstance, there are two sides to the same thing.  There is the negative and the positive and the quarter was to remind me to change my thinking from the negative to the positive.  Not easy to do, but necessary if you want to enjoy the life God has given you and make the most of your time here on this planet.  So, if you take away anything from this post, please take away the quarter idea.  Carry one around with you as a reminder that when the negative thoughts start bombarding you, flip it over and find the positive thoughts – they are there, maybe just a whisper right now, but with practice, they will get louder!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

Where the rubber meets the road…

Where the rubber meets the road…

When I decided to become a Mary Kay consultant, I spent many hours in prayer because it was so huge a decision I didn’t want to take it lightly.  I felt in my heart that it was God’s idea and as being such, He would provide the grace and ability to be successful at it.  But now that it is a reality, I’m second guessing everything!

I have to put my full faith in God to provide all that I need when I need it for this business venture to be successful.  I have to trust that God has my back.  And, as I’ve told you before, trust is not my biggest strong point.  But it still is something I have to do, I am under no misconceptions here – this idea of being a consultant is so outside of my comfort zone that the only way for it to succeed is to trust that God is with me every step of the way and will make it happen as He sees fit.

All I can ask for is prayers.  Please pray for me that I can overcome years of introverted, isolated behavior to branch out into the person I hope to be, a more confident, fearless woman.  And if in the process of this transformation, I can help at least one woman feel beautiful from the inside out, then it will all be worth it.  I want to be more than what I am, and with a lot of prayer and faith, I know that it can happen.

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

Good ideas vs. God ideas

Good ideas vs. God ideas

Now, this is not my own thoughts.  I read it from a book called The Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur, so I give credit where credit is due.  But I wanted to write about it because I have come face to face with this concept this week.  A good idea is just that, a good idea.  A God idea is different, because it comes to our hearts from God.  Now how do you tell if it’s a God idea?  Here are the basic criteria the book gave:

  • The idea will not contradict God’s Word in any way. God isn’t about confusion and it will all sync up.
  • The idea is bigger than you can accomplish on your own.  In other words, you’ll need to rely on God to make it happen.
  • It is, sometimes, illogical. And by that I mean, it sometimes defies logic as we know it.  God sees things very differently than we do, and there is nothing He can’t do.

Now, as I said on Monday, I am very seriously considering becoming a Mary Kay beauty consultant, and the idea goes with all the above.  Mary Kay’s philosophy is God first, family second, career third, and that is my philosophy and it is God’s as well.  Next, the only way that I’ll be successful is with God in charge and fully relying on His power to see me through it.  Lastly, it is such a huge thing that it contradicts all known pre-conceived ideas I have about myself, let alone what others think about me.  I am an introverted homebody; I’ve said it many times throughout this blog.  To do this, I would have to break out of my shell and actually talk to people.  WHAT!?!  Are you kidding me?  That’s not even considering how to pay for it, or how to host parties or all the other things that go along with becoming a Mary Kay consultant.  This idea is just crazy, and deep in my heart, I know that it is God’s idea.  It is so huge that the only way I could pull it off and be successful is with God’s grace and intervention.  I spent a whole day in prayer because this idea is just so not what I was expecting for my life, not in any way at all.

Yet, as I said Monday, I’m really excited, and terrified, but excited about this.  I want to be more than what I am right now.  I want to be out of my shell, I want to stop with the isolation.  I want to be a part of something bigger than I am and I want to make friends.  I want to grow as a person and as a Christian, and I can’t do that being stuck in my home with my pets every day.  I have to trust in God that He knows what He is doing and is doing what is best for me.  So, I am going with this and I have no idea where this will take me, but I know that it isn’t going to be an easy road to walk because it is so outside of my character as I know it.  But, I also know God has my back and though Him I can do anything!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

That whole worrying thing again!

That whole worrying thing again!

I know I have written about worrying before because I have such a problem with it.  I was realizing just the other day, the amount of time and energy wasted worrying about something that God already knows about and has a plan for.  Maybe, my faith is just not as strong as I would like it to be, and I pray about that a lot, praying for more faith.

There’s a lot going on in my personal life right now that is leaving me a bit, what’s the word I’m looking for, disconcerted maybe?  There’s the whole thing about the person that deeply hurt me and I’m still dealing with that, unfortunately.  Then there are other things that I don’t want to go into really because they are very personal, but I’m just having a lot of bad days, when I am used to having better or at least neutral days.  I’ve been doing a lot of crying lately, which is never a good sign.  Maybe, I’m simply depressed, that is possible after all.

My point to this is that I must trust God to see me through this difficult time and if I just get out of His way, He will.  He knows what’s going on with me and all who are involved and He knows the best way to handle the situation and I need to trust in His grace to see me through all of these things that I am just not able to handle at this time.  He says in Scripture to cast all anxiety on to Him for He cares, and that is exactly what I am doing.  I am literally on the edge of what I can handle and I’m just handling everything over to Him, because I’ve reached my limit.  And, what is really comforting is that I know He will handle it, He will take care of it.  Like I already said, I just have to stay out of His way, and sometimes that is all the problem is, giving Him the problem and then still trying to take care of it myself.  I need to work on that!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

As a Christian, forgiveness is a big thing.  Jesus Christ went to the cross for the remission of our sins and we are supposed to be as forgiving of others as God is of our sins.  But is that always easy?  No, it simply isn’t.  I’m pretty good about forgiveness because of the Scripture that says God forgives us as we forgive others.  And most things are relatively easy to forgive.  However, every once in a while, something really bad happens and the whole forgiveness thing is a very difficult thing to give.

Recently, I’ve been deeply hurt by someone close to me.  And this person has either no idea how bad they hurt me or they just simply don’t care that they did.  The situation is a very sensitive, difficult topic and talking to this person is like talking to a brick wall.  They have not asked for forgiveness nor do I think they are looking for it.  Does that make it harder to forgive?  Oh, you bet it does.  Having someone say they are sorry, then forgiving them is easy.  When the person doesn’t care or doesn’t see what they did as being wrong, then the whole forgiveness thing becomes a serious challenge.  And I do mean challenge.  I have spent days praying to God for the help to simply forgive, not for the other person, but for myself.  Forgiveness is just as much for the person wronged as for the person who wrongs.  I don’t want to be angry, bitter or have any other negative emotion; I have enough of them naturally.  So, I am really working on letting this go and just loving this person and moving on because that is what is best for me.  Do I condone what they did? No, I don’t even like it a bit.  But that’s not the point.  I have to let it all go for my own spiritual and emotional stability.

My only advice is to pray and hand it over to God to handle.  He knows everything going on and the hearts of all involved and He will know how best to handle the situation.  That’s what I am doing right now and it is helping.  Is it an overnight fix?  No, but it does start the healing process and that is what’s most important.  Forgive the other person and move on, otherwise, we carry the hurt and anger and it just festers like an open wound.  And, who wants that?

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth