Forgiveness

Forgiveness

As a Christian, forgiveness is a big thing.  Jesus Christ went to the cross for the remission of our sins and we are supposed to be as forgiving of others as God is of our sins.  But is that always easy?  No, it simply isn’t.  I’m pretty good about forgiveness because of the Scripture that says God forgives us as we forgive others.  And most things are relatively easy to forgive.  However, every once in a while, something really bad happens and the whole forgiveness thing is a very difficult thing to give.

Recently, I’ve been deeply hurt by someone close to me.  And this person has either no idea how bad they hurt me or they just simply don’t care that they did.  The situation is a very sensitive, difficult topic and talking to this person is like talking to a brick wall.  They have not asked for forgiveness nor do I think they are looking for it.  Does that make it harder to forgive?  Oh, you bet it does.  Having someone say they are sorry, then forgiving them is easy.  When the person doesn’t care or doesn’t see what they did as being wrong, then the whole forgiveness thing becomes a serious challenge.  And I do mean challenge.  I have spent days praying to God for the help to simply forgive, not for the other person, but for myself.  Forgiveness is just as much for the person wronged as for the person who wrongs.  I don’t want to be angry, bitter or have any other negative emotion; I have enough of them naturally.  So, I am really working on letting this go and just loving this person and moving on because that is what is best for me.  Do I condone what they did? No, I don’t even like it a bit.  But that’s not the point.  I have to let it all go for my own spiritual and emotional stability.

My only advice is to pray and hand it over to God to handle.  He knows everything going on and the hearts of all involved and He will know how best to handle the situation.  That’s what I am doing right now and it is helping.  Is it an overnight fix?  No, but it does start the healing process and that is what’s most important.  Forgive the other person and move on, otherwise, we carry the hurt and anger and it just festers like an open wound.  And, who wants that?

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

The prayer finally answered

The prayer finally answered

I have great news to share; my husband has found permanent full-time work.  We have been praying for that for a very long time.  God has gotten us through a difficult time since my husband lost his job, but God has always provided and we have not been left wanting.  He provides for all your needs, you just have to trust Him to do it and stay out of His way when He is trying to take care of your problems.

This post will be short because I just want to go and praise God for this wonderful thing.  I know whatever ramifications come of this, God will be right there with us making it all work out to our good.  My favorite verse: Romans 8:28 “and God works all things out to the good of those who love Him and are called to His purpose.”  He really does, it just takes faith because God doesn’t consider your time table, He has one of His own.  Faith is hope in what is not seen, and we have had our faith tested quite a bit in the last year or more, but we are stronger than ever.  Thank you Lord for this precious gift and take care all of you!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

That whole positive thing again…

That whole positive thing again…

As I mentioned Monday, I’m working on having a much more positive attitude about myself, life, the world, etc.  After a lifetime of being bipolar, I have developed a rather negative attitude about myself and life, in general.  But, I’m working on that.  It’s going to take time, but I am going to improve my attitude if it kills me!  Attitude is everything and I want the perspective of success instead of failure.

However, for me to have that kind of major overhaul of my thinking, God needs to be involved.  I can’t do it on my own, that’s how ingrained it is in me to think of the worse possible outcome in anything.  But there are Scripture that deals with this directly.  First, Philippians 4:13, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”  In the same chapter in earlier verses it says to rejoice in the Lord and that we are to think of true, noble, pure, lovely things, whatever is admirable.  That is what God wants us to concentrate on, not our failures or how we are not good enough.  In 2 Timothy 1:7, it says we were not given a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.  I am really taking these verses to heart because as I’ve stated before, I will never be successful if I don’t learn to believe in myself and put myself out there for the world to see.  Which is the scariest thought possible, but I am not timid, I have the power of Christ flowing through me and through him, I can do anything!  Will that make this transition to being positively minded easy, no, I don’t think so.  It took me years to develop this attitude and it isn’t going to go away overnight.  But, as it is said, a journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step.  Just knowing I need to work on this is half the battle, in itself.  I want to see myself as others see me, because according to them I am very capable of being a business owner, writer, bookkeeper, and virtual assistant.  It’s in God’s Hands, and that is just fine with me.

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

God considers me worthy!

God considers me worthy!

As I wrote on Monday, I suffer from a deplorable lack of self-esteem.  I’ve had it pretty much all of my life, all the failures and mistakes I have made over the years have just seemed to solidify this conception of being worthless.  I bought this book called the Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur and I would tell you the authors, but I don’t have the book around me, but search Amazon and you’ll find it.  Anyway, there’s this one line that says I need to be confident in the value that I bring to people, potential clients and the world itself.  Wow, yeah, um…I have a problem here.  I am not confident that I bring value to anyone – God, family, potential clients, this list goes on.

Yet, God valued me enough to send His son to sacrifice himself on the cross for me to be given salvation if I have the faith and obedience in God and Jesus Christ.  If the creator of the universe sees value in me, why can’t I see a least a small portion of that value?  The answer is I have no idea.  I really don’t, my husband, my business mentor and others have tried to talk to me about this and whatever they say just doesn’t seem to resonate with me.  I was created in the image of God, and yet I see myself as nothing but a collection of various flaws and imperfections.

I don’t know if I just lack the faith to believe that I am as worthy as God sees me or not.  I know I worry about things that I don’t need to worry about because God knows exactly what is going on with me and knows exactly what I need and how to provide it.  But knowing and believing it with all of my heart are different things, unfortunately.  There are times when I do have the confidence and peace of mind to believe in myself and I think I can do anything, but those times are infrequent.  More often I feel like I am a fraud that everyone can see that right off the bat.  I pray about this a lot, but it seems to be my cross to bear and something I will be fighting for some time to come.  All I know is that I will struggle with finding success in life until I possess the self-confidence to know with all of my heart that I bring value to the world, to the people in my life and to my potential clients.  I pray that this doesn’t take a lifetime to overcome!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

Being submissive and it is not that easy a thing to do!

Being submissive and it is not that easy a thing to do!

Being a Christian wife means that I am to submit to my husband, is that easy?  Sometimes yes, and sometimes no.  Even with my husband being a good husband, there are times when I want to do what I want to do, even if that means going against what he wants me to do.  But the Apostle Paul states in clear language that a wife is to submit to a husband, period.  And I know there are women out there that that statement makes them cringe; I feel you.  But as a Christian I believe that the Bible is the Word of God and He had Paul write that through divine inspiration.  So, I must accept it, even if I may not exactly agree with it all the time.

This past weekend, my faith in this was put to the test.  I’ve been trying to get my husband to respect my desire to be a homemaker, to just stay home.  One of his customers asked him what I did and Daniel told him I was at home, looking for work but not finding any.  Somehow, the fact that I went to bookkeeping training came up and this customer laughed and said that any new, small business would hire a part-time bookkeeper in a second.  That sealed the deal, as they say.  My husband came home and told me to work, either a job or my business, but work I will.  He said it takes two to make it in today’s society and I needed to help him support our life.  He said he understood that I wanted to be home, so I could work on my virtual assistant/bookkeeper business if I wanted to, but that I would have to help with the household income.  Was I mad?  Oh, you know it!  I didn’t appreciate at all that some stranger I had never met would sideline my attempts at making my husband understand that I just wanted to be a homemaker.  Then I started to think, I had been asking God what I was to do with the business, since it’s all set up and everything, and maybe this was God answering.  Not the way I really wanted, but I’m used to that.

So, this past week, I started back at my VA business.  I can’t say it failed the first time, but it certainly wasn’t successful either.  But, there were things I did that were wrong.  I didn’t network or do anything to reach out and actually get a client.  I had this attitude once I had my website up, that they would just come to me – you know, if you build it, they will come type thing.  I also did not have God at the center of my business.  I prayed to Him for its success, but not about how to run it or what He wanted me to do with it.  Now, God is my CEO in my business.  The only opinions that matter are God’s and mine.  Will I succeed this time?  I hope so, although finding a part-time job would be simpler.  Yet, if I went that route, I would have to be away from home.  I’ve been on several interviews and most of the “part-time” jobs are only part-time to start with and then lead to full-time work.  I will not work full-time, period.  I simply can’t because of my mental illness, I went through hell when I tried it before and I will not subject myself to that again.  Thankfully, my husband understands that.  So, for now, I will concentrate on my business and work it according to God’s will and see how things go.  He gave my husband success in his business; I pray He does that for me.  As I always say, it’s in God’s Hands now.

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

That whole inner peace thing

That whole inner peace thing

As a Christian and a bipolar, I struggle with this every day of my life.  Most of the time, I am worried about something, usually something that if I were to have the faith to let go, God would take care of it.  My inner peace is very fragile, but when it happens it is glorious.  This feeling of everything being right in the world, everything is in harmony.  It’s a wonderful feeling, even as fleeting as it is for me.

The thing is I would have it much more often if I were to just let go of things and let God take care of it.  In Philippians, the Apostle Paul writes about letting our minds dwell on good, positive things and the peace of God will be with us.  And there is the rub.  I’m not a naturally positive person.  I am rather negative in my thoughts and usually expect the worse, which as a Christian, I am not supposed to do.  We are to have hope in God and hope in Jesus Christ.

Every day, I try to have that hope and it boggles my mind that I don’t have it.  I mean seriously, God created the universe; I think He can handle my little problems.  And Christ rose from the dead, so I’m sure he has the power to help me with my problems as well.  I just think that I am so small-minded at times that I miss the big picture stuff and worry about the little things that in the end mean diddly squat.

All I can do is my best, and let God do the rest – one of my mantras.  My advice is to simply let go of the trivial things that bog us down into the negative realm and do your best to stay positive and stay in the light.  The light is the best place to be!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

Things are good, yet I’m conflicted (as usual!)

Things are good, yet I’m conflicted (as usual!)

I love this picture, it’s not one of my furbabies, but I love the expression on the cat’s face, kind of like he or she is not too thrilled with getting the picture taken and I know the feeling!

My prayers have been prayers of gratitude lately.  My husband has a temporary full-time job and his side business is going well. I am praying that the job turns permanent, if it be in God’s will for it to.  I’m also praying for direction in my life.  I feel rudderless, lost and at the same time, I feel like I’m doing exactly what I was meant to do.  It’s hard to explain, but I’m very happy being a homemaker and taking care of the house, our furbabies and my husband.  I love it; the peace and contentment I feel as a result are a blessing to me.  Yet, I feel I should be doing more, what that more is, is the issue.   I have no idea what God wants me to do with my life.  Yes, I have a book to write, a story to share and things to paint to start an Etsy store but for whatever reason, I’m not really working on that right now.  And I have no idea why that is.

Please don’t take this as me complaining, because I’m not.  God has been most generous with us and I am truly grateful to be at home – because as you know that is all I want in the world, just to be home.  Maybe it’s societal pressure, or pressure from family, I don’t know; but, it seems that I should be doing more.  I’m conflicted and I don’t know how else to explain it.  I want to be a part of society and give back but the other part of me just wants to bury my nose in a good book after doing housework and just exist.  Is that wrong?  Seriously, I’m asking.

I love just being in the moment.  For a very long time, things have been unsettled, and that they are now settled, at least temporarily, is a relief.  I’ve been carrying so much worry for a long time that I am enjoying not having to worry for a while.  I know I will finish my book and start my Etsy store; I guess I’m just enjoying the peace and contentment that are so rare for someone like me.  I know this is a weird post; it’s like what’s the point of this.  I guess in the end my point is that life is good right now and it is due to God and I am just simply grateful.  When life is going good, savor it, because, unfortunately, it will not last.  That’s the nature of this world – everything is temporary!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth