I don’t know about you but a lot of times when I am in the midst of people, I feel all alone. I know I’m not the only one who has the feeling that if you were to scream, no one would notice. It’s not a good feeling. I don’t know why it happens, but it does. I do better in crowds when my husband is with me, but when I am alone in a crowd, I get anxious. I don’t like feeling, I don’t know, useless; like everyone has a role to play except me. I feel like extra baggage.
I don’t have much advice on this matter because it is something I deal with a lot. It’s why I avoid get-togethers of any variety, not because I don’t like the people, I just prefer my solitude and my dog. I’m extremely introverted, which you all know about, so it takes a lot out of me to be a part of anything social and I usually need a couple hours of alone time to compensate. I just prefer a good book and my dog. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that per se, but avoidance is probably not the healthiest way to handle social situations.
I never learned how to fake a smile or a laugh. What you see is what you get with me. That has caused concerns in my marriage because my husband tends to think that I am not a happy person. He seems to forget the whole bipolar thing and thinks it has to do with him. I correct him every chance I get because my husband is wonderful and everything he does, he does for me. He treats me like a queen. I just don’t know how to fake a good mood. They say to fake it before you make it, but that just doesn’t bode well with how I am. I’m an honest person, so faking it just doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t smile nearly often enough, mostly because I’m worried about something which I shouldn’t be because God has my back, and He can handle anything.
However, I think it is high time that I start to just let go and embrace trying to feel happier. In reality, what do I have to not be happy about? I have a roof over my head, my kids and friends, my amazing husband, talent to do whatever I want, and opportunities that others don’t have. Life is sweet, if you were to just simply stop to smell the roses, as the old adage goes. I guess what I am trying to say is that no one is ever truly alone, even in a crowd. Guaranteed, you are not the only person feeling that way, we are all just good at hiding behind facades – well, some of us are! I know there are lots of parties this time of year and family get-togethers and all I can suggest to you is to pick just one person who seems to be a wallflower (like me!) and make conversation with that one person. You don’t have to work the room or be a social butterfly, just work with one person and you’d be amazed at how that will make things better for you. That’s my advice anyway, not much to go on, but like I said, I’m constantly working on this myself!
Blessings to you all,