Ok, as you all know I became a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant about a month and a half ago; it has been no bed of roses for me I can tell you. Don’t get me wrong, Mary Kay is a great company and has great products that I just love, truly. But you see I’m a pretty good actress, so my recruiter sees only what I want her to see and that is that everything is hunky dory or at least as much as I can make it seem; my husband, however, sees behind the mask, backstage and knows that this has been an emotional roller coaster for me and that is never a good thing when you’re already on one due to mental illness. My husband has seen all the tears, my recruiter has not. So, I’m trying to decide if I want to continue with this Mary Kay thing or just call it quits and be done with it. The problem is I’m conflicted and I need to make a decision soon. So, the question I’ve been asking myself is if I would regret walking away so soon after starting it or would I feel relieved? And that is where the conflict comes in because as far as I can tell the answer is both.
My husband is thinking I should quit because all he wants is a happy wife to come home to and I have not been that at all. He also thinks that this whole Mary Kay thing is just not for me with the personality that I have, he knows that I could do it, but he doesn’t think it’s been the fun hobby it was supposed to be. You see, my nature is very introverted, as you all know, and I would much prefer to be home with my animals reading, writing, doing housework even – anything but out in public plastering a smile on my face saying hi to people I don’t know. I’m just not a people-person; I’m an animal-person! I’d rather talk to a dog than a person; let’s just leave it at that. Not that there’s anything wrong with people, I just have always tended to avoid them. So, why on God’s green Earth did I decide that being a Mary Kay Consultant was a good choice for me? I thought that I needed to stretch out of my comfort zone and have more confidence with people and I thought Mary Kay was the vehicle for that change. I still do too, it’s just I underestimated how uncomfortable that change would be.
I also know that I have not been working it the way I should be. We have these things called facial boxes that we put around in local businesses that offer complimentary facials with, usually, a gift certificate with initial purchase type thing, all you do is fill out a short form and put your name in the box. I know of consultants with over 20 boxes out and are getting all kinds of leads and bookings as a result of being out there really working hard. And congratulations to their success, they’ve earned it! Now, I have two out and they are doing nothing for me. I have a wonderful friend who offered to drive me around the parts of town that I don’t know much about to get more boxes out there. As I have been told, it’s all in the numbers. The more people I reach, the more yeses I get, that kind of thing. And I totally get that, I do. So, why haven’t I put out all kinds of boxes all over town? That’s a good question that I don’t have much of an answer to, other than I just don’t care much. Shouldn’t that be a good indication that I’m just not that into this whole thing? Would I feel differently about things if I had a bunch of boxes out and had leads galore and making a booking a day and selling several hundred dollars a week? I would think that I probably would, unless that would just be more than I can handle and lead to more stress and tears. Let me put it this way, with my other business, I work on average twice a week for two different women and I work 2 hours in the morning with one then have a hour break then two hours in the afternoon with the other one, and there are days when that is more stress than I can handle and I have trouble with the tears. So, would more success really make me happier? I just don’t know, but somehow I doubt it.
As you can probably tell by this post, I am all over the place about what to do. One moment, I’m telling myself to walk away and the next moment I am telling myself to try harder and give it a chance. And I could poll all my friends and family and get different answers from them all, and in the end, still have to make the decision myself, because no one can do it for me. I plan on spending time in prayer and really think about this, because I don’t want to do anything rash. I tried very hard to think this through when I signed up to be a Mary Kay Consultant and I need to put a lot of thought into what I want to do now. I had hoped hashing it out in this post would help, but unfortunately, it hasn’t. I’m still conflicted. Maybe, I just need to let it go for a couple of hours and just cuddle up with my dog and read a good book and let my subconscious work on this for a while. Ultimately, it’s in God’s hands and He already has an answer for me, I just have to be quiet enough to hear it. Thanks for reading and if you have any advice I would love to hear it!
Blessings to you all,