Have I mentioned recently that I am an introverted home body? Well, in case you forgot, I’m reminding you. I really prefer to avoid the public at all costs, and that especially goes with grocery stores. Now considering I do love to cook, you’d think that these stores would be an oasis for me. They aren’t. Well, they would be if there was no one else in them and there was a person to bag my groceries and no line to the cashier, then maybe the whole experience would be okay. But that would be in the perfect world, and that doesn’t exist. The reason they are on my mind is because I had to go to one this morning. I had our menu planned out for the next week and had a massive list and I was just dreading it. But I went, and I had to thank God for His grace when I got home because the whole thing took so much out of me to do it.
That’s one thing about being an anxious Bipolar that is really annoying. The things that other people do with no second thought, take all I have in me to do. Do you know what I mean? Going to the grocery store is just one example. Shopping in general is another. I have to psych myself up to just do it and it annoys me that I have to do that. Going and getting gas, I do everything I can to get my husband to do it for me. Since he now works 60 hour weeks, things are falling on my shoulders much more and I think I am doing the best I can to adjust to being the main shopper, etc. Do I like it? Not really, but I also don’t have much of a choice in the matter either. And the anxiety about doing something like grocery shopping even starts the night before, when I am lying in bed – it hits; the reality that when I wake up in the morning, I’ll have to go out in the public to provide food or necessities for my family. It bugs me so bad that something as simple as going to a store has that kind of effect on me!
The only advice I have is to just ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen? You get a crappy cart that gives you problems (like I had this morning), or there’s a line to the cashier, or you have to bag your own groceries (which I hate, but it is what it is). Are those really life-altering events? Not even close. So, I just put my big girl panties on and just go do it, and the sense of accomplishment when it’s over is staggering. Succeeding in something that makes you anxious is a thrilling feeling and just remember that is what will happen when you face your fears and overcome them.
Blessings to you all,