Ennui

Ennui

I love that word, it just sounds better than the other words describing the feeling.  I learned it from a novel that I read a while ago.  Here’s the definition:

en·nui

noun

  1. a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.
synonyms: boredom, tedium, listlessness, lethargy, lassitude, languor, weariness, enervation

The reason I am sharing this word with you is because it happens to me a lot.  And it is a terrible feeling, basically a feeling of nothingness, just being numb.  Some days I am great, feeling like I can accomplish anything and all is right in the world.  But then there are times when the ennui hits and I just lie there and stare into the empty space that is around me.  I can’t explain it very well, that’s why I included the definition.  Being bipolar is not fun and the mood swings are a real pain in the butt.  I can handle the irritation mood, the elation mood, and all the various moods in between, but this numb feeling is very difficult for me to handle.

I don’t really have any practical advice about it either.  I can wake up fine and it will just hit and I have to work through it.  Usually, with a lot of tears involved.  But I do get through it and that is what matters.  The mood swings are difficult to handle like I said, but the silver lining is that they are temporary.  It’s a matter of just being strong enough to get through it, and I have my spirituality which definitely helps.  The only thing I can say about it is to just force yourself to get up and do something, anything, just keep going and you’ll feel better in time.  When it hits, I have my crying time, then I say a prayer and get up and paint or write or even just clean.  I also want to say that I think it is a totally normal feeling to have.  Bipolars are normal; we just have the roller coaster emotions instead of the steady state of being.  I know this is an odd post; I just wanted to share that this happens to me and if it happens to you, you’re going to be okay, I promise.

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

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