As I wrote on Monday, I suffer from a deplorable lack of self-esteem. I’ve had it pretty much all of my life, all the failures and mistakes I have made over the years have just seemed to solidify this conception of being worthless. I bought this book called the Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur and I would tell you the authors, but I don’t have the book around me, but search Amazon and you’ll find it. Anyway, there’s this one line that says I need to be confident in the value that I bring to people, potential clients and the world itself. Wow, yeah, um…I have a problem here. I am not confident that I bring value to anyone – God, family, potential clients, this list goes on.
Yet, God valued me enough to send His son to sacrifice himself on the cross for me to be given salvation if I have the faith and obedience in God and Jesus Christ. If the creator of the universe sees value in me, why can’t I see a least a small portion of that value? The answer is I have no idea. I really don’t, my husband, my business mentor and others have tried to talk to me about this and whatever they say just doesn’t seem to resonate with me. I was created in the image of God, and yet I see myself as nothing but a collection of various flaws and imperfections.
I don’t know if I just lack the faith to believe that I am as worthy as God sees me or not. I know I worry about things that I don’t need to worry about because God knows exactly what is going on with me and knows exactly what I need and how to provide it. But knowing and believing it with all of my heart are different things, unfortunately. There are times when I do have the confidence and peace of mind to believe in myself and I think I can do anything, but those times are infrequent. More often I feel like I am a fraud that everyone can see that right off the bat. I pray about this a lot, but it seems to be my cross to bear and something I will be fighting for some time to come. All I know is that I will struggle with finding success in life until I possess the self-confidence to know with all of my heart that I bring value to the world, to the people in my life and to my potential clients. I pray that this doesn’t take a lifetime to overcome!
Blessings to you all,