Ennui

Ennui

I love that word, it just sounds better than the other words describing the feeling.  I learned it from a novel that I read a while ago.  Here’s the definition:

en·nui

noun

  1. a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.
synonyms: boredom, tedium, listlessness, lethargy, lassitude, languor, weariness, enervation

The reason I am sharing this word with you is because it happens to me a lot.  And it is a terrible feeling, basically a feeling of nothingness, just being numb.  Some days I am great, feeling like I can accomplish anything and all is right in the world.  But then there are times when the ennui hits and I just lie there and stare into the empty space that is around me.  I can’t explain it very well, that’s why I included the definition.  Being bipolar is not fun and the mood swings are a real pain in the butt.  I can handle the irritation mood, the elation mood, and all the various moods in between, but this numb feeling is very difficult for me to handle.

I don’t really have any practical advice about it either.  I can wake up fine and it will just hit and I have to work through it.  Usually, with a lot of tears involved.  But I do get through it and that is what matters.  The mood swings are difficult to handle like I said, but the silver lining is that they are temporary.  It’s a matter of just being strong enough to get through it, and I have my spirituality which definitely helps.  The only thing I can say about it is to just force yourself to get up and do something, anything, just keep going and you’ll feel better in time.  When it hits, I have my crying time, then I say a prayer and get up and paint or write or even just clean.  I also want to say that I think it is a totally normal feeling to have.  Bipolars are normal; we just have the roller coaster emotions instead of the steady state of being.  I know this is an odd post; I just wanted to share that this happens to me and if it happens to you, you’re going to be okay, I promise.

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

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That whole positive thing again…

That whole positive thing again…

As I mentioned Monday, I’m working on having a much more positive attitude about myself, life, the world, etc.  After a lifetime of being bipolar, I have developed a rather negative attitude about myself and life, in general.  But, I’m working on that.  It’s going to take time, but I am going to improve my attitude if it kills me!  Attitude is everything and I want the perspective of success instead of failure.

However, for me to have that kind of major overhaul of my thinking, God needs to be involved.  I can’t do it on my own, that’s how ingrained it is in me to think of the worse possible outcome in anything.  But there are Scripture that deals with this directly.  First, Philippians 4:13, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”  In the same chapter in earlier verses it says to rejoice in the Lord and that we are to think of true, noble, pure, lovely things, whatever is admirable.  That is what God wants us to concentrate on, not our failures or how we are not good enough.  In 2 Timothy 1:7, it says we were not given a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.  I am really taking these verses to heart because as I’ve stated before, I will never be successful if I don’t learn to believe in myself and put myself out there for the world to see.  Which is the scariest thought possible, but I am not timid, I have the power of Christ flowing through me and through him, I can do anything!  Will that make this transition to being positively minded easy, no, I don’t think so.  It took me years to develop this attitude and it isn’t going to go away overnight.  But, as it is said, a journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step.  Just knowing I need to work on this is half the battle, in itself.  I want to see myself as others see me, because according to them I am very capable of being a business owner, writer, bookkeeper, and virtual assistant.  It’s in God’s Hands, and that is just fine with me.

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

14 DIYs to Get Your Patio Ready for Summer

14 DIYs to Get Your Patio Ready for Summer

Even though we are half way through summer (can you believe that, how time flies!), here are some really great ideas on sprucing up your patio.  The whole outdoor living craze is still going on, so join in and do some of these projects and really make your patio stand out and be an extension of your home.  Go for it!

https://www.thespruce.com/get-patio-ready-for-summer-1104002?utm_campaign=artcraftsl&utm_medium=email&utm_source=cn_nl&utm_content=10115897&utm_term=

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

Make Geometric Wall Art Using Paint Samples

Make Geometric Wall Art Using Paint Samples

Here’s a cool idea on how to use those paint sample cards that you can get at home improvement stores.  You can pick out the color scheme that matches your décor and have some fun.  It seems simple enough to put together and it is a good starting point to learn how to make wall art yourself.  Taking the basic steps, you could use your imagination and create all kinds of geometric designs.  Have fun!

https://www.thespruce.com/geometric-paint-chip-art-4140250?utm_campaign=artcraftsl&utm_medium=email&utm_source=cn_nl&utm_content=10099564&utm_term=

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

Grilled Ratatouille Salad

Grilled Ratatouille Salad

This looks so good to me!  I was trying to find a recipe that used all the wonderful fresh veggies that summer has to offer.  As you know, my husband is an avid gardener and we are neck deep in those fresh veggies.  This recipe looks simple enough; I try to find recipes that you don’t need to be a chef to execute them!  It says to let it cool, but I think you could eat this warm or cold.  Whichever way you choose, enjoy!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ellie-krieger/grilled-ratatouille-salad-recipe-1960137

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

Today is my birthday, what a joy!

Today is my birthday, what a joy!

I don’t know about you, but on my birthday I do an inventory of my life, what I’ve accomplished or finished or just my general state of being.  And I usually concentrate on the things that I wanted to change on my last birthday and didn’t achieve.  But, I’m not doing that this year.  I am working on thinking much more positive about myself and the world as a whole.  Attitude is everything, and I’m working on improving mine.  So, let’s see what I have done positive this past year…

  • I started this blog. But more importantly, I found something I love to do and that is writing.  I take great pleasure in doing this blog, and no, I’m not trying to be the next great blogger or have 10,000 hits a day kind of blog because I just don’t care.  I do this blog just because I like to and that is all there is to it.
  • I’ve been as good a wife to my husband as I possibly could be. We have had a rough year, still are actually, but we are making it through it and doing it rather well.  Of course, all the glory of doing that goes to God, because without His grace, we would not be doing near as well as we are.  I know I have done my best to support and care for my husband, home and furbabies.
  • I worked a job and I saw it through to the end. Did I have to make it part-time because the full-time hours were wreaking havoc on me emotionally?  Yep, you bet.  But I finished the assignment – I didn’t quit!  That is a huge accomplishment for me.
  • I started my own business. I am working on believing in myself that I can do this and I am putting myself out there in a way that does not come natural for me.  For instance, last Wednesday, I went to a ladies’ networking event, and I made some good contacts and may even have a client very soon.  Was it difficult for me to do it?  Oh, you betcha!  Huge introvert here, remember?  But, I did it and that is what’s important.

All things considered, I kicked butt this year.  It’s all about perspective.  Have I clients calling my phone every day or a super-successful blog, nope, but who cares!  I am doing well and that is what is important.  I’ll be 45, and frankly, when I was 20, I never thought I’d survive to this age.  As they say, I would have taken better care of myself if I knew I would still be around at this age!  The point is to always keep moving forward, no matter what life throws at you.  You can do it, you can kick butt!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

God considers me worthy!

God considers me worthy!

As I wrote on Monday, I suffer from a deplorable lack of self-esteem.  I’ve had it pretty much all of my life, all the failures and mistakes I have made over the years have just seemed to solidify this conception of being worthless.  I bought this book called the Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur and I would tell you the authors, but I don’t have the book around me, but search Amazon and you’ll find it.  Anyway, there’s this one line that says I need to be confident in the value that I bring to people, potential clients and the world itself.  Wow, yeah, um…I have a problem here.  I am not confident that I bring value to anyone – God, family, potential clients, this list goes on.

Yet, God valued me enough to send His son to sacrifice himself on the cross for me to be given salvation if I have the faith and obedience in God and Jesus Christ.  If the creator of the universe sees value in me, why can’t I see a least a small portion of that value?  The answer is I have no idea.  I really don’t, my husband, my business mentor and others have tried to talk to me about this and whatever they say just doesn’t seem to resonate with me.  I was created in the image of God, and yet I see myself as nothing but a collection of various flaws and imperfections.

I don’t know if I just lack the faith to believe that I am as worthy as God sees me or not.  I know I worry about things that I don’t need to worry about because God knows exactly what is going on with me and knows exactly what I need and how to provide it.  But knowing and believing it with all of my heart are different things, unfortunately.  There are times when I do have the confidence and peace of mind to believe in myself and I think I can do anything, but those times are infrequent.  More often I feel like I am a fraud that everyone can see that right off the bat.  I pray about this a lot, but it seems to be my cross to bear and something I will be fighting for some time to come.  All I know is that I will struggle with finding success in life until I possess the self-confidence to know with all of my heart that I bring value to the world, to the people in my life and to my potential clients.  I pray that this doesn’t take a lifetime to overcome!

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth