The things about me that I don’t understand

The things about me that I don’t understand

Are there things about yourself or how you think, behave that just are a complete mystery to you?  I know there are about me.  Most of my actions can be explained or at least rationalized, but there are a few things that just leave me going, ‘huh’?  I tend to know myself pretty well, between the years of therapy and the hours upon hours of self-contemplation.  But I don’t get everything and I’ll give you a few examples.

  • Why can I watch the same movie over and over again? Not all movies mind you, but I couldn’t even tell you how many times I’ve seen the Star Wars trilogies, or The Lord of the Rings trilogy, or Snow White and the Huntsman, just to name a few.  My husband finds it just bizarre that I can do that.  He watches a movie and that’s it for him, why see it again?  For me though, the right movie can be watched a gazillion times and I can still watch it.  What is that?  Am I the only one?
  • I have trouble keeping my interest in things. I can be obsessed with something for a time and then, all of a sudden, zero interest.  I don’t know if this is a bipolar thing or just part of who we are as people.  My husband, again, thinks that I’m “flaky” as he puts it.  And he isn’t wrong, I think there is more to it than that, but the whole flaky thing isn’t really that off.
  • I do things I don’t want to do and don’t do things I do want to do. I know the Apostle Paul wrote about this very thing, I don’t know where off the top of my head, but I know he did.  So, if he had problems with this very thing, then I feel much better about it, even though I don’t understand the behavior.  Of course, he was talking about spiritual things like sin; and, I am talking about that and just everyday things, as well. For instance, my writing and painting.  I want to write on my book and I want to open an Etsy store for my painted crafts.  Do I work at it every day?  Heck, no!  Why on God’s green Earth is that the case?  I know there is such a thing as being inspired, but I go through droughts of uninspiration (is that even a word?) that are staggering.  I just don’t get it.
  • I have a horrible case of lack of confidence, and I have no idea where that comes from. Well, I kind of have an idea – I’ve had more failures in my life than successes.  But, I was raised by two loving parents, in a good, Christian environment.  I know I have God-given talents to do many things.  Yet, my confidence is minuscule on Biblical proportions.  I don’t understand that at all, I really don’t.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg of things I don’t get about myself.  I could go on, but you get the gist of it.  Am I the only one here that just wonders what the heck is going on with themselves?  I don’t have any answers to the behaviors above, they just are.  And I’m learning to accept them as just being what they are, but it is difficult.  I have this image of perfection in myself that is just unreasonable and unhealthy because none of us are perfect; but, yet it lingers; another thing I don’t understand, or get where it comes from.  Sometimes, I can really annoy myself, am I alone in that?

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

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