One of the things that really bothered me as a Christian before that preacher I told you about set the record straight for me was about the whole joy thing. I mean let’s face it, as a bipolar, joy is not exactly at the top of my repertoire of emotional states. I always thought that the Bible meant the emotion of joy, to experience joy as what we know it as. And, I just don’t have an abundance of it. So, I felt defective, like I wasn’t a true Christian because I didn’t feel joy as I was supposed to. But, like I said, the preacher set me straight.
Joy, as the Bible defines it, is the “mature sense of spiritual well-being.” It isn’t an emotion; it is a state of mind. Now, just because I know this doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with this state of mind. I’ve written recently that I question God’s plan for me and all other sorts of things that make this sense of spiritual well-being rather elusive. But I am working on it.
When I went through the passage in Proverbs about the ideal woman, one verse has always stuck out for me. And I don’t have my Bible handy so I am going to just paraphrase, but it goes something like ‘she laughs at the days to come’. Meaning, she trusts so completely in God’s providence that she doesn’t worry about anything and just smiles and moves on. That is what I am working on; what I am trying to achieve. That complete trust in God that He is in control and everything will work out to our good like my favorite verse in Romans states.
What it comes down to is do you trust God or not? It’s really simple, but as humans, we tend to complicate things rather well. And we also are weak in faith from time to time, we are imperfect and none of us can truly say that we don’t question or doubt God at least a little bit once in a while. I think it is human nature that we do and I also think God understands that and is patient with us. God is truly amazing in how patient He is with us. I mean really, who are we to question the Creator of the universe? But I know I do, and sometimes quite a lot, unfortunately. But again, that is something I am always praying about in my daily walk with God and Jesus; to have the faith to move a mountain, as Jesus said. Never has God forsaken me or not provided for me, not once! Yet, I question, not proud, but it’s true. I think it is in Psalm 103 that states God knows we are made of dust that He knows we are limited in what we can do and that is a comfort to me. All I want in this world is to learn to trust God so completely that I can be like that woman described in Proverbs 31 – ‘and she laughs at the days to come’. I’m working on it, probably will be called to Heaven the day I finally figure it out!
Blessings to you all,