I’m not talking about the, does He exist kind of way, but just in His plan for us. I do, not proud of that, but it’s the truth. And it bothers me that I do, I mean He created the universe, I think He can handle my little problems, but it’s when things don’t happen the way I think they should, then I wonder and question His plan for me.
I’ll give you an example. I was working a temp job for a while, and I hated it but it was helping pay the bills. When that job came to an end I qualified for unemployment and have been looking for a job while trying to get my VA business off the ground so that I could work from home. Now, that VA biz just hasn’t worked out yet, mostly because I was just not passionate about it like I am writing and maybe that’s why it didn’t work out. So, I’ve been looking for part-time work and even had an interview recently, and the business was like a five minute drive from my house with perfect hours and since my unemployment is coming to an end, I thought it was perfect timing. I didn’t get that job. Now, I do have a VA job with another VA being her copywriter and that could grow into something. So even though He didn’t answer it the way I expected, He did provide me something that is more along the lines of what I want to do, which is write. Besides, essentially, God has always provided for me and has gotten me through some very difficult situations, but never as I thought He should. Now one big thing that pops into my head is who am I to question God and His plan for me, but I do.
It just seems like the things I am praying for are not being answered. But sometimes the non-answers are part of his plan. I’ve heard the saying quite a few times that when things seem to be falling apart, that is when things are just falling into place. And I always hold my favorite verse in my head: Romans 8:28, “And God works all things to the good of those who love him who were called according to His purpose.” It has also occurred to me that maybe I’m just not praying for the right things. I’m constantly worried about money and that is a problem, because it takes up so much of my time and Scripture calls the love of money idolatry. Not that I want millions or anything like that, I just want the financial security I once had. But like I already said, God has always provided for my needs and the bills have always been paid and there’s been food on the table every night. So, I think it comes down to my priorities being out of whack, more than not trusting God’s plan for me. I expect things to go the way I want and I try to micro-manage my life instead of just letting go and letting God take control. So, that’s what I’m going to work on this week, just letting go. Praying about more important things than my bank account and praying about those that are lost or the people that I love, who need my prayers. Think of it as a sort of experiment; I’m not going to pray about myself and my problems and pray for others and let God work out my life with me staying out of His way. I’ll let you know how my week went next week. Prayerfully, I will be in a better place spiritually.
Blessings to you all,