Is there such a thing as a happy marriage?

Is there such a thing as a happy marriage?

My answer is it depends, but hear me out on this, okay?  I don’t believe in the happily ever after crap.  Marriage is hard and it takes work.  Marriage is like the tides of the ocean, it ebbs and flows.  If you have a marriage the mostly flows and ebbs every once in a while, then you have a steady marriage.  If on the other hand, your marriage mostly ebbs and rarely flows, then you have some problems to work out.  Marriage is a living thing that evolves over time.  I love my husband dearly; we’ve been married over twelve years.  However, I say our marriage is both stable and relatively happy.  There are days that I just want to cuddle up with him and forget that the world exists, and then there are the days that it takes shear willpower to keep from plunging the steak knife in his back.  And that’s normal.  People are inherently flawed, so two people living together is never going to be idyllic, period.

With all that said, I do have some advice about marriage.  First and foremost, your partner has to be your best friend.  The butterflies will fade over time and if there is not a solid friendship there, then there is going to be a problem.  Second, love is a choice.  To love is an action, its choosing to do what is best for the other person.  So, if both of you are making that choice, you’re doing great.  And you have to make that choice every single day of your married life.  A solid marriage comes down to choice, choosing to put the other person first before you.  That is the rub, because like I said there are days that choice is easy and other days when it is not so easy, but it is simple.

All I can say is that a marriage with God in it is much easier to have.  Trust me; I learned this the hard way.  When my husband and I first married, we weren’t with God as we are today.  We each had our demons that we had to work through.  Here’s a reality for you, when you get married, you have your crap and the other person’s crap to deal with now.  It took us years to work through those demons and we spent the better part of ten years doing a whole lot of ebbing, that’s for sure!  Then we started being a part of a smaller congregation and got to know the minister very well.  I started therapy with that minister and gave myself back to God in every way.  And as God always does, He fixes everything – my husband followed right behind me and gave himself back to God in every way.  God intervened and we defeated those demons and ever since we have mostly flowed and have rarely ebbed.  The last few years of our marriage have been the best of all our years and that is because God is at the center of our lives.  But, like I said, I had to learn that in a very hard way.

Just remember that marriage is a choice that you have to make every day, and both of you have to make that choice or things just won’t work out.  So, I wish you the best in your marriage; I pray all of you that are married are in a steady, flowing marriage.  And if you are single, maybe now you have a more realistic view of what marriage is like.  It isn’t easy, but it is worth it.

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth

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